HOW TO DRESS LIKE ME, A FASHION GOD

May 13, 2017
Posted in Fashion
May 13, 2017 inkmagazine

HOW TO DRESS LIKE ME, A FASHION GOD

By Julia Block

You are a liberal arts/STEM major attending an art school. And while high school classified you as hipster, college is a whole new ball game. Now, your Adidas Superstars and Fjällräven Kånken backpack seems so passé, especially compared to the thrift-store-swaddled ceramics major wearing Yeezys who just ordered a sextuple shot of espresso at Lamplighter. You don’t need to be Yohji Yamamoto to know your wardrobe needs a serious overhaul if you plan on maintaining your “cool kid cred” these next few years. Fortunately for you, I am a firm believer of haute couture oblige and have graciously decided to help you. This is an act of charity. I pity you – you sad, uncreative person doomed to a life of monotony. And so I present the following foolproof list to you, unwashed masses, for your benefit. Each rule is a non-negotiable if you dream of being accepted by us real artists. You’re welcome:

  1. Dye your hair fluorescent pink immediately. Your natural color is just another example of your boring, conformist life that does not interest me.
  2. Cut all your shirts in half. Crop tops are in. Keep cutting your Brooks Brothers or Vineyard Vines shirts until they resemble shreds, and then burn them. My god, what were you thinking?
  3. Lots of black. Black on black on black on black. You are a nihilist in a post-structuralist society. The world needs to know you that you know God is Dead.
  4. Embroidery is everything. Take those tops and sew on some obscenities. Four letter words are in, but keep them sexually oriented, rather than scatological.
  5. Oh, also flowers! Embroider lots of flowers!
  6. Florals, really? What’s next – stripes or god-awful plaid? Could you be any more kitsch? Minimalism is everything. Stick to one color, please.
  7. Sheep are everywhere and they wear monochromatic outfits. Have some creativity and clash!
  8. That hair dye looks awful. What’s wrong with you? Have you internalized society’s hatred? Love yourself and embrace your natural hair.
  9. The one thing your senile, middle-brow grandma got right was that, “accessories make the outfit.” Think to yourself: What if I threw a red-carpet-ready Kardashian into a bedazzling machine? Dress like her mangled corpse.                                                                                                                                                                                                           
  10. Name your three favorite songs that Devendra Banhart played in concert the summer of 2014. Don’t have an answer? Of course you don’t, but at least try to look like you might have one. And the first thing any music aficionado knows is not to wear jewelry to concerts.  Not to mention how disgusting makeup looks as it melts off your face at some sweaty festival. Lose the earrings and the contour, dear.                                                                                                                                
  11. Get some very, very short bangs. Bangs are a wonderful way of highlighting how naturally beautiful you are. Unless you are not. Too bad.
  12. Sweaters. Sweater are in. Only sweaters. Make sure the sleeves are long enough to cover your hands.
  13. Lose your top and free the nipple! If you are not sufficiently endowed, get a breast implant. Only one. Asymmetry is beautiful.
  14. I loathe your sloppy “casual wear”. Try to care about your appearance: buy some cropped, straight tuxedo pants and brogues.
  15. Pair these with some oxford shirts. Always button them all the way up, even if it becomes difficult to breath. Marie Antoinette’s corsets taught us that oxygen is for the cake-deficient.
  16. Have you seen the new Need Supply shirt dress? It has pre-stressed holes in it. Inspiring! Only one-hundred seventy dollars! Why are you not wearing this already?                                                                                                                                    
  17. Oh, you say you can’t afford to buy all these clothes? Skip meals and eat your textbooks instead.
  18. The whole point of being fashionable is so people can see how fashionable you are. Show off your clothes by spending all your time at coffee shops with prices that your parents make fun of before they talk about something boring like, um….  gimme a minute to think…
  19. Like the economy. Old crones love to talk about the economy. Who cares about the economy? When did the economy ever attend the Met Gala?
  20. Shave your head. And eyebrows. And your face.                                                                                                             

So there you go: an infallible list of how to look as if you had the talent and creativity to be an art student at an art school instead of doing something pointless, like nursing. I admit you’ll never truly have a cool and effortless style like me, but that’s your fault. Anyway, I have to go study for this stupid biology exam required for my Chemistry major. Good luck!

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  84. Se lleva a cabo en tornos automáticos que tradicionalmente se han controlado por levas aunque en la actualidad se realiza por control numérico (CNC). Como cereza del pastel, todas las piezas son de una altísima calidad. Es aquí donde es primordial usar piezas de calidad de acuerdo a los estándares de fabricación más exigentes y cumpliendo siempre la normativa, en nuestro caso, de la Unión Europea, en un marco que es muy estricto.

  85. El departamento de calidad dispone de equipos de verificación, que incluyen rugosímetros, micrómetros interiores y exteriores, tanto analógicos como digitales, relojes comparadores, alexómetros, etc, para garantizar en todo momento la correcta trazabilidad de las piezas mecanizadas.

  86. En Talleres M.A.H. escuchamos con detenimiento las solicitudes de los clientes, luego planteamos soluciones que mejor se ajusten a sus necesidades y, por último, garantizamos tiempos de entrega, ofreciendo acabados apropiados y una calidad que no encontrará en otro lugar.

  87. Nuestro equipo y nuestra maquinaria están preparados para satisfacer a los clientes más exigentes, tanto por las altas especificaciones de sus piezas como por la complejidad de los procesos. Para la fabricación de electrodomésticos se usan una gran cantidad de piezas, como casquillos, rótulas conjuntos tapones, que realizamos mediante decoletaje en nuestras instalaciones según las especificaciones de nuestros clientes.

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  111. Reparamos toda clase de electrodomésticos; además, disponemos de servicio de manitas a domicilio y reformas low cost. En el tramo que conecta los circuitos cerrados al dispositivo de alimentación se instalará una válvula automática de alivio que tendrá un diámetro mínimo DN 20 y estará tarada a una presión igual a la máxima de servicio en el punto de conexión más 0,2 a 0,3 bar, siempre menor que la presión de prueba. Un representante del Instituto Nacional del Consumo del Ministerio de Sanidad, Servicios Sociales e Igualdad. El presente real decreto entrará en vigor el día siguiente al de su publicación en el «Boletín Oficial del Estado». Llámenos, al igual que han hecho sus vecinos, y le solucionaremos su avería con la mayor profesionalidad y al mejor precio. Disponemos de la mayor red de técnicos de reparación de Frigoríficos en Murcia.

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  116. Lavadoras segun su tipo: Reparacion Lavadoras tipo tambor MADRID, lavadoras tipo agitador, lavadoras tipo impulsor. Lavadoras segun su operacion: Reparacion Lavadoras manuales, Reparacion lavadoras automaticas y reparacion de lavadoras semiautomaticas en todo MADRID. Las Lavadoras de Carga Frontal MADRID, son las que encontramos normalmente en las viviendas, ofrecen el mejor rendimiento y consumen menos agua y energia. Le realizamos trabajos de instalacion, reparacion y mantenimiento de su electrodomestico. Las reparaciones se realizan en el mismo día del aviso, somos una empresa de reparacion de lavadoras en Madrid.

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  118. Efectivamente el día 24/01/2011, me llaman de HP y me comunican que ellos solo pueden hacerme un presupuesto para la reparación del equipo (equipo comprado recientemente) y también me indican que no pueden comprender por qué en FNAC me han dado el número del servicio Técnico de HP cuando debe ser FNAC el responsable. En primer lugar mi más sentido pesar al enterarme de que los sueldos, turnos y horarios de las personas que por no tener más remedio, siguen y siguen trabajando en Fnac… siguen siendo tan tristes como cuando yo trabajaba ahí.

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  121. Los productos Liebherr poseen una amplia historia en Europa y una sólida posición en el mercado, lo que hace a los clientes decidirse por buscar cada vez más un servicio técnico Liebherr en Madrid especializado para seguir manteniendo la vida de estos productos. Por ejemplo, consideran mucho más rentable conseguir recambios Liebherr y reemplazar cualquier pieza original en la máquina, que debido a su uso diario ha sufrido deterioro una avería, antes de pensar en cambiar el producto completo. En USATEL, S.A. nos caracterizamos por ofrecerles a nuestros clientes la garantía de un buen servicio.

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  124. Reparación de todo tipo de electrodomésticos, de todas las marcas y modelos, de gama blanca, en la Comunidad de Madrid: Lavadoras, Lavavajillas, Frigoríficos, Secadoras, Hornos, Vitrocerámicas, Microondas, Frío Industrial, Aire Acondicionado, Calderas, Calentadores, Calefactor, Estufa Doméstica, Campana Extractora y Termos.

  125. Para esta sección disponemos de tornos CNC de marcas reconocidas como Mori Seiki, Gildemeister y Nakamura, totalmente equipadas con cargador de barras, doble torreta motorizada, eje Y, eje C, doble cabezal, recogedor de piezas y extractor de virutas.

  126. El contenido dispuesto en dicha web no podrá ser reproducido ni en todo ni en parte, ni transmitido, ni registrado por ningún sistema de recuperación de información, en ninguna forma ni en ningún medio, a menos que se cuente con la autorización previa, por escrito, de la citada Entidad.

  127. Dentro del mecanizado realizamos dos movimientos fundamentales: el primero sería el movimiento principal de corte, este corta agujerea el material de la pieza; y el segundo y último movimiento es el de avance, este dirige la dirección de la pieza mientras se elabora el movimiento principal.

  128. Esta industria era una de las que más máquinas manuales usaba hacía hace décadas (punzonadoras, máquinas de corte por disco, prensas, etc.) pero hoy en día las versiones CNC de esas mismas máquinas están completamente extendidas y se usan de forma mayoritaria.

  129. El proceso comienza eliminando gran parte del material de una manera poco precisa (desbaste) continuando con un desarrollo final mucho más minucioso (acabado). Si quieres saber más sobre nosotros y los tipos de mecanizado y fabricación de maquinaria que realizamos, visita nuestra web y conoce todos los servicios que tenemos para tu empresa.

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  131. Trabajamos en colaboración con nuestros clientes desarrollando nuevos proyectos. En nuestro taller de mecanizado mediante el CNC, las máquinas se convierten en dispositivos automáticos, capaces de fabricar componentes industriales sin ayuda directa de los humanos.

  132. Dormirás tranquilo si tienes un taller, una industria cualquier empresa que fabrique use material maquinaria de difícil limpieza. Las empresas top invierten grandes recursos en encontrar empresas dedicadas al DECOLETAJE EN TORNOS MULTIHUSILLOS. 36. Casquillo mecanizado por decoletaje en acero © Kuzu, S.L.

  133. Pues de tener menos de dos años, se deriva al servicio técnico oficial en Mòstoles, que son los que cubren la garantía de la lavadora. Una vez que el técnico de reparacion de lavadoras urgente de Mòstoles, llega al domicilio del cliente, lo primero que hace es localizar el tipo de problema que tiene la lavadora, una vez localizada la avería se le da al cliente el presupuesto de la reparacion.

  134. Somos el servicio técnico ideal para la reparación de su lavadora Rommer, de su lavavajillas Rommer, de su frigorífico Rommer, de su cocina Rommer, de su horno Rommer, de su secadora Rommer, con la eficacia y la calidad de una empresa que lleva más de 30 años ofreciendo el mejor servicio técnico de reparación de electrodomésticos Rommer en la Comunidad de Madrid.

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  136. En cualquier caso si el problema persiste bien sigue saliendo agua por el tornillo del cacillo, te recomendamos que lo lleves al punto de atención técnica más cercano, en el link que te adjuntamos a continuación puedes ver los puntos que te son más cercanos a tu domicilio. Como era de suponer, en atención al cliente me remiten a la tienda donde la he comprado (en este caso amazon) y en amazon ahora aparece sin stock y plazo de entrega de 2 a 5 semanas :'( Todavia me vuelvo a nespresso ! Hola, Constan, tomamos nota de tu comentario, que ahora mismo pasamos al departamento correspondiente de las oficinas centrales de minimoka.

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